ME AND YOU - JUST US TWO! SOLO PARENTING WHEN THE HUSBAND IS AWAY

 

I am solo parenting for the next few days. Amit is traveling and this is the first time, I have been bestowed with this responsibility, well first time if you don’t count traveling alone with Zoe to India all by myself.

To be perfectly honest – I am scared because I havent done this before. Amit and I partner on everything – like pickup, drop off, cooking, putting to bed, giving a bath, reading, playing…and he does most of the heavy lifting with this whole parenting thing. But here I am day 2 of running this show, solo – all by myself ( yawning as I write this post- that I actually started typing last night but fell asleep somewhere midway )

Here’s why I want to write all this down. I am scared, unsure of how I would manage everything. The work meetings, going to office, pick up, drop off, the tantrums, the meltdowns, the book after book reading, dinner time….  When I look back on these notes, I want to feel confident (and proud ) that I was able to handle things ( there are always days when you want that boost of confidence that you can do it! )  and it is just the fear of doing things the first time. And I want to learn from the mistakes I might make ( like losing my patience – ahhh I know this is coming! ) and may be if you are reading this and have to do this by yourself at some point – then you know you aren’t alone in being scared and we can all learn from each other’s struggles, mistakes and the things that we rock at!

Here’s what the day looked like today –

– I barely slept all night worrying that the monitor for Zoe’s room’s camera would stop working in the middle of the night Or that I would be so fast asleep that I wouldn’t hear her. So there you go! I am yawning as I type this.

– Amit is the one who goes into her room when she wakes up, so she refused to let me pick her up from her crib in the morning screaming for addy ( addy is what we call dad incase you are new here )! So after screaming for a few minutes and then realizing the only options are to either stay in the crib or go with mom – guess we know mom’s value now. Mom > staying in crib. ( yayy I guess )

– Morning meetings : I had cancelled my early morning (6am-8am) meetings for today and had called the sitter for an hour, so I could get some work done in the morning and get a shower. On day two – I put the TV on for her while I took a quick shower. Quickest shower in history.

– Morning routine and getting ready for work/school : I had everything ready the night before ( both our clothes, shoes, breakfast stuff down to the spoons and bowls, water bottles filled, etc. Plan it all out.

– Amit drops her to school usually, so I had to start a bit early to have that stop on my way to office. She’s in a phase where she wants to do everything herself – tie her own shoes, wear the jacket herself, climb into the car seat, put on the seat belt. I kept a buffer of 20 minutes to account for all these random delays. Because if you try to do any of these to make things go faster – I swear it only slows everything else down.

– Most days Amit picks her up from school because I have a longer commute – so seeing me the first thing she asked for – where’s addy. It breaks my heart to see how much she’s missing him.

– I had cooked dinner the night before – so we got home, dinner, bath time and I had a play date planned – so that really helped.  Planning. Planning.

– She did not want to go to bed and kept asking for Amit. “Where did addy go” . It broke my heart and after she went to bed, I cried on the phone with Amit. I was very upset in the evening about a lot of things – for not having the time to make my usual cup of chai after coming from office, not having Amit to sit down and talk and play together, to Zoe crying. And btw – forget any privacy for going to the bathroom!

 

So that was that. It wasnt that bad but it’s not easy either. Aside from the workload increasing, it’s actually the anxiety, the mental breakdown that gets overwhelming. I have a new-found respect for people who do this solo or have partners that travel often.

I am sure I’ll manage just fine, you just figure it out.  I imagine a lot of pizza getting delivered ( which I am more than okay with ), play dates on the evenings and weekends and the sitter is on speed dial. We went on a coffee (milkshake) date to Starbucks after dinner today and I will not hesitate to use gummy bears as bribe when I need to. I have also been talking to Zoe that mom is managing things alone for the next few days, so she has to help out with cleaning up the toys or putting the books in the basket or just chilling a bit while mom brushes her teeth. We dont give the kids enough credit – but they surprise us with how attuned they are to emotions.

I dint think that anyone could miss this guy more than me – but your daughter wins. Come home soon, addy! I need to sleep without worrying about the monitor.